I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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