I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
