Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
