Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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