We're like a lot better than the average bears
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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