if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
