do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
