she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
