if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
pop tarts are not kleenex
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
