I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
