you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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