the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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