We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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