You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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