I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
