dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
