When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
