did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
