Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
