I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
