hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
