is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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