Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
