Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
