i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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