She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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