I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
