the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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