I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
