i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
