I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
