Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
