Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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