Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
