Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
