thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
