he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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