I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
