hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
