Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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