No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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