She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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