Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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