I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
