You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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