it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
