i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
