Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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