And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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