I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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